You already have the answers

You have the map

I say this to almost every client I work with, and almost every time, I watch them not quite believe it. Not because it isn't true — because it doesn't feel true yet. Most people arrive holding decades of evidence to the contrary: moments they didn't see coming, couldn't find their way out of, didn't know what to do with. It's hard to trust you're holding a map when you've spent years feeling lost.

What a living map is

At the close of certain work we do together, you receive something I call a living map — a clear, honest picture of what has shifted in you, what is still in motion, where you may still be finding your own way, and what I see wanting to come next. It isn't a diagnosis. It isn't a five-step plan. It's closer to a scientist's field notes — an honest record, from someone who was there with you, of exactly what I saw move.

Why "living," and not just "map"

A map that's ever finished stops being useful the moment you take one more step. This one is living because you are. What's true in your field today may have already shifted by the time you come back to it in three weeks — and that's not a flaw in the map. That's the map doing exactly what it's built to do: catching you honestly, at a moment in time, so you have something real to measure the next moment against.

Why you leave with something concrete

So much of this work is felt before it's understood. You might leave a session lighter, clearer, more like yourself — and still not have language for what happened. The living map is that language. It's the thing you return to on the hard Tuesday three weeks later, when you've forgotten what shifted and only remember that it did. Oh, you'll think. That's what she meant.

The map was always yours

I want to be honest about something: I don't hand you a map because I have one you don't. I hand it to you because I was in the room with your field, and I can see. But the map itself — where you're headed, what matters to you, what you're actually longing for — that was never mine to write. It was always yours. I'm only ever helping you read it.

If you're in the middle of finding your own way back, I'd be glad to walk beside you.

For a year, I tried to make something work that wasn't going to work.

I was volunteering my time and energy toward a mission I believed in completely — the kind of cause that feels less like a project and more like a piece of who you are. But somewhere along the way, the direction the organization was moving in stopped matching what I believed, or how I wanted to use my own resources and energy. I noticed it. And then I spent a year trying to close that gap anyway.

I wrote proposals. I sat in meetings. I fundraised. I picked apart my own thinking, again and again, looking for the flaw in my perspective rather than the misalignment in front of me. With every step, the anxiety got louder. Not dramatic, not a single moment of crisis — just a low hum that kept turning up in volume, the way a smoke alarm doesn't stop chirping just because you've decided to ignore it.

Eventually I understood what it had been telling me the whole time: it was time to complete my term.

What came next wasn't relief. It was grief. But the anxiety — the thing I'd been carrying for a year — was gone.

What Anxiety Actually Is

Most of us are taught to treat anxiety as the problem. Something to calm down, medicate, push through, or manage until it's quiet enough to function around. I understand the impulse — anxiety is uncomfortable, and comfort feels like the goal.

But here's what I've come to believe, both in my own life and in fifteen years of sitting across from people in this work: anxiety only arises when something is being ignored that is demanding attention. It is not a malfunction. It is a signal.

Your body doesn't produce a year of low-grade dread for no reason. It produces it because some part of you already knows something your mind hasn't caught up to yet — a misalignment, a decision you're avoiding, a version of yourself you've outgrown but haven't yet left. The anxiety isn't the malfunction. The gap between what you know and how you're living is the actual thing. The anxiety is just what tells you the gap exists.

This is also why anxiety so often gets worse right before something shifts, not better. It's not the work going wrong. It's the work arriving — getting loud enough that it finally can't be managed around anymore.

How to Actually Listen to It

You don't need a dramatic breakthrough to hear what anxiety is pointing at. You need a few honest questions, asked without trying to immediately fix or explain the answer:

• What have I been trying to force to work, that isn't working?

• What am I picking apart in myself, that might actually be a misalignment outside myself?

• What would I need to complete, or let go of, for this feeling to have somewhere to go?

• Where in my life does my outer situation not yet match what I already know to be true inside?

You may not get a clean answer right away. That's fine. The point isn't to solve it in one sitting — it's to stop treating the anxiety as static and start treating it as information.

A Small Practical Step

While you sit with what your own anxiety might be pointing at, it can help to work with the physical sensation directly — not to silence it, but to give your body a way to process what it's holding. I use a simple tapping technique with clients for exactly this. You can try it yourself here →

It won't answer the bigger question for you. But it can quiet the noise enough to actually hear it.

The Honest Ending

I wish I could tell you that once I listened, everything felt better. It didn't — not right away. What I felt was grief. Grief for the mission I still believed in. Grief for the year of effort. Grief for a version of my involvement that I had to let go of in order to stay aligned with myself.

But the anxiety was gone. In its place was something harder, but more honest — the clean, uncomplicated sadness of an ending, instead of the exhausting static of trying to force something that had already told me, a hundred small ways, that it was over.

That's usually the trade. Not anxiety for peace. Anxiety for grief — which is heavier, but real. And underneath both of them, still there, still yours: whatever it is you were actually longing for in the first place.

If something in your own life has been signaling for a while now, and you're ready to actually listen to what it's pointing at, Beginning is a 30-day container built for exactly that.

Think of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or tapping as a reset button for your nervous system. It’s a simple way to tell your body, "It's safe to calm down now," when you're feeling stressed, anxious, or stuck.

Your body holds onto stress, even after your mind has moved on. This can feel like tension in your shoulders, a knot in your stomach, or a racing heart. Tapping helps you release that stored physical stress directly.

Here’s how you can do it yourself, anytime, anywhere:

Step 1: Tune Into the Feeling

First, identify what you're feeling. Is it anxiety about a work deadline? Sadness from a memory? Frustration in a relationship?

Now, find where you feel it in your body. Do you get a headache? A clenched jaw? A heavy feeling in your chest? Just notice it without judgment.

Step 2: Rate the Intensity

Give the feeling a number from 0 (not there at all) to 10 (the most intense it can be). This isn't to judge it, but to help you notice the shift later.

Step 3: The Setup Statement

Tap consistently on the side of your hand (the "karate chop" point) while saying this sentence out loud three times:

"Even though I feel this [name the emotion] in my [name the body part], I deeply and completely accept myself."

For example: "Even though I feel this anxiety in my tight shoulders, I deeply and completely accept myself."

This is key: you're not fighting the feeling. You're acknowledging it and affirming your worth at the same time.

Step 4: The Tapping Sequence

Now, gently tap about 5-7 times with your fingertips on each of the points in the order below. As you tap on each point, say a short "reminder phrase" to keep your mind focused on the issue, like: "This anxiety," or "My tight shoulders."

1. Side of the hand 

2. Beginning of the Eyebrow (where it starts by your nose)

3. Side of the Eye (on the bone at the corner)

4. Under the Eye (on the bone under your pupil)

5. Under the Nose (between your nose and lip)

6. Chin (midway between your lip and the edge of your chin)

7. Beginning of the Collarbone (where you'd knot a tie)

8. Under the Arm (about 4 inches down from the armpit)

9. Top of the Head

Step 5: Check In

Take a deep breath. Now, check back in with the feeling and your body. Rate the intensity from 0 to 10 again.

Did the number go down? Did the physical sensation shift or soften? If it did, that's fantastic! You can do another round, this time adjusting your phrase: "Even though I still feel some of this tension..."

If the feeling is still strong, that's okay. Just do another round exactly as you did the first. The goal is gentle release, not forced elimination.

Why This Works On Your Own:

You're in control: You are the one sending the safety signal to your own brain and body.

It's somatic: You're working directly with the physical sensations of your stress, not just talking about them.

It's always available: You have your fingertips with you 24/7. You can use this in your car before a meeting, at your desk, or in your kitchen when a wave of anxiety hits.

The more you practice, the more you'll learn the unique language of your own body and nervous system. It’s your tool to move from reaction to choice, and to clear out old energy that's keeping you from feeling your best.

I’ve leaned to embrace and love my empath but before that happened I found her inconvenient and downright insufferable. As a child I would burst into tears and was told I cried too much. When I was in my twenties I used drugs and drank to self-medicate. When I started to learn to create healthy boundaries that’s when the relationship changed. I started to see my sensitivity as energy and information instead of a destructive wave of pain.

Dr. Judith Orloff, author of The Empath’s Survival Guide, offers this short quiz to evaluate whether or not you are an empath:

Ask yourself:

• Have I been labeled as “too emotional” or overly sensitive?

• If a friend is distraught, do I start feeling it too?

• Are my feelings easily hurt?

• Am I emotionally drained by crowds, require time alone to revive?

• Do my nerves get frayed by noise, smells, or excessive talk?

• Do I prefer taking my own car places so that I can leave when I please?

• Do I overeat to cope with emotional stress?

• Am I afraid of becoming engulfed by intimate relationships?

According to Dr. Orloff, “If you answer ‘yes’ to 1-3 of these questions, you’re at least part empath. Responding ‘yes’ to more than 3 indicates that you’ve found your emotional type.”

“Recognizing that you’re an empath is the first step in taking charge of your emotions instead of constantly drowning in them,” Dr. Orloff says. Once you begin to understand your empathic nature, you can learn to take better care of yourself emotionally.

Do you want to get comfortable with change? First step is to learn your energetic life pulse. It’s like breathing and looks like this:

• Expansion, your aura/field will expand, you will manifest and life will have more flow. You’re plugged into to a deeper meaning to life and you might feel like anything is possible. Indicators: Physically you feel high. Mentally clear and sharp. Emotionally peaceful or joyful. Spiritually you’re one with everything.

• Stasis, you won't expand any more but there is a pause.

• Contraction, and everything that you learned from the expansion will come in and challenge and help heal wounds. This can be frustrating but it's a very important step because it integrates and creates a new reality. Indicators: Physically you might feel drained, fatigued or low energy. Mentally unsure, cloudy and doubtful. Emotionally prickly, morose or blue. Spiritually…what’s that?

This is the frame work of the energetic life pulse and it’s the same for everyone but the details are all very different. Energetic expansion is what will drive change, it holds new feelings of hopefulness and possibility. Once you feel and explore this to the fullest there’s a chance that old defenses, beliefs, fears, and hurts that keep you stuck in “safe” patterns will come up for you. To navigate this terrain it will be important to understand what energetic life pulse stage is at work and you can rest in knowing if you are in a contraction your expansion is just around the corner.